The importance of feel and tell your truth
As a male body that grew up in a machist society, expressing feelings or being emotional wasn’t safe. As a child I learnt to suppress emotions and numb myself, a pattern that followed me throughout adulthood. When I began my spiritual path, undoing this pattern and becoming embodied isn’t easy, like an onion peeling one layer and another deeper one comes up or the same shadow becomes more complex.
With the excuse that I was overwhelmed and the feeling of my “world falling apart”, as I navigate a home relocation, just before my trip overseas and in the middle of breaking up with my partner, it felt quite “convenient” to allow myself to go numb in order to not have to deal, or face, or stand up and/or speak my truth. Now looking back I can see the moment where it tip over from unconscious to convenient, also now I feel the consequences of it, as an build up of pressure generated an explosion on my system making me take accurate, but unconscious decisions that affect and hurt my partner and myself.
At the same time I can feel a bigger wisdom working through me and as an oracle showing me the way, I failed navigating my relationship. I wish I felt and faced it before the explosion point, I wish I had prior talked before the decision and I wish I had communicated better. Now I see how irresponsible it is to not allow myself to “FEEL” and face things no matter what you are going through, how hurtful it is for me and others.
Also I forgive and have compassion to myself, I want to harvest the “gold” (lessons) and embody it deeply so I will navigate it better next time.
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