Can you tell when you are genuinely attracted to someone…
or when that person holds some qualities you desire that you haven’t integrated into yourself yet?
I had another realisation during an experience, where I was attracted to two really different human beings. The first one was, in my judgement, an exotic, wild and untamable woman. The second one has many great qualities but I wasn’t attracted to any particular one– It was more like her whole being was attractive to me.
Without taking any actions about these feelings, I kept the curiosity within myself.
I let the inquiry unpack throughout the day of what those two different possible connections were about.
As the day passed, an “AHA” moment came in, and it became clear that I was projecting the wild and untamable feminine I wanted to integrate within myself onto the first person. The feeling was “I want to pursue/take her” instead of the feeling, “I want to dance with her and share great moments” which is what I had felt towards the second woman.
Normally, in society we don’t think about deeper reasons for feeling attracted to someone, past the idea that you want to connect with them intimately.
Attractions of different kinds can look similar and quite frequently, in adults, be generally mistaken as sexual desires. It is because sexual energy is a primordial life force which is creation itself.
So often, despite what it feels like, many attractions have nothing to do with having sex. Instead you might be attracted because there is a more platonic creative energy with the possibility to create and/or develop something together. Or you could be projecting (seeing others desired qualities and/or triggering aspects/ attributes that you have inside you, or want to become and you project them outward in another), hence my attraction “the wild and untamable feminine” while all along what I’m really desiring is feeling a sense of those feminine qualities I saw in her. These are just some of many reasons to feel attraction toward people.
When it’s not a clear sexual /romantic attraction, and you still follow the attraction assuming it to be sexual, when it’s in fact not the authentic meaning– you would then find after the sexual connection, when your initial attraction feels fulfilled the sexual desire would disappear.
When it is more of a projection, sometimes, you can integrate those qualities by having a direct experience of spending intentional time with people who hold those qualities.
Although it has to be clearly communicated and consented to, with the person you want to experience that with.
This is because, if it’s not explicit to the other person what your intentions are, it can lead to a feeling of betrayal and confusion. And if you are unaware of your projection, and pursue an automatic sexual connection, it can get even more messy very quickly, because not only can you unintentionally hurt others, but you also betray yourself and begin to distrust your own feelings and attractions.
From my perspective, the alternative of authentic connections is that you want to “add to” instead of “pursuing/taking”. In other words, it feels like you want “to dance with” and come together in union, play, get messy and genuinely get to know who that being is.
Although I didn’t have a chance to reveal that to them, I’m really grateful for those women who, just by being themselves, unknowingly taught me something instrumental.
That experience helped me to create a new reference point when it comes to attractions and what it feels like to pause, reflect, and move with self-awareness and integrity.
Developing a more attuned embodiment while maintaining curiosity are key points to develop your inner wisdom and expand your consciousness, saving you from embarking on undesirable relationships and moving you towards the more satisfying and authentic ones.
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